Category: ‘Unabashed Queer of the Week’

Unabashed Schooling: Sandra B. READS Kathy G.

February 25th, 2010

I came across audio from the Howard Stern Show with guest Sandra Bernhard waxing poetic on fake, phony, and one shtick pony, Kathy Griffin.

Feasting on a Kathy Salad

Feasting on a Kathy Salad

Stern: We had Kathy Griffin here yesterday.

SB: Oh God.  Jesus Christ.

Stern: Tell me your feelings.  I want to know because you are an elder statesman of comedy.

SB: Well she’s no spring chicken but listen…she came to success late in life.  She loves my ass and she’s come to see many times and she’s taken my basic premise which is to disseminate pop culture.  However, when you’re somebody of my level and intellectual ability, I take it and I layer it.  I don’t just throw a cake.  I  give you a seven-layer sacre torte.  She came and took the base elements of what I did and–who can’t put on a Kate Gosselin wig and go “Gahgaghgahgahgah!”  I mean that’s all she does, “Gahgahgahgahgah,” like a shrieking harpy freak.  Every time she has a special on Bravo it’s the same fucking special every goddamn time.  I’ve written fifteen shows in the past ten years and every one of them touches on something new and interesting that is really revealing where we’re headed as a culture.  I don’t just jump into the waters of present culture.  I’m on the precipice of what is happening.

Unabashed Queer of the Week: Amanda Simpson (& Obama)

January 4th, 2010

From a distance she looks like Tori Amos, but upon closer inspection, she better resembles Kathie Lee Gifford.  s-SIMPSON-large She is neither Ms. Amos or Ms. Lee-Giff, she is Ms. Amanda Simpson: Prez Obama’s appointee to Senior Commerce Post Adviser.  Who cares about Commerce Post Advisers? Not me! But I do care about trannies and Amanda Simpson is 100% transgender woman.  Fuck yeah, Amanda, and fuck yeah, Obama.  This is better than marriage equality; this is visibility and a great hair color.Kathy_Lee_Gifford_photo_credit_Charles_Bush

An Unabashed Queer Moment

December 27th, 2009

I got pulled over by a cop today and dude asked me why I seemed irritated.  I asked him if it was against the law to be irritated.  It isn’t.fuck-the-police

Unabashedly 2Q2B4GTN: The Mermaid Girl

December 14th, 2009

Why didn’t any of you assholes tell me how precious the Mermaid Girl was while she was still alive?

mermaid-girl

If you think you’ve been dealt a bad hand in life you will shut the fuck up and feel guilty upon meeting Shiloh Pepin.  In addition to being born with her legs fused together (a la a mermaid), she ain’t got a hole from which to shit or piss.  So for her ten years on this earth she relied on ostomy bags attached to her several times a day to hold her waste.

If I was Shiloh, I woulda been like FUCK ALL YALL HOES, I CAN’T SHIT, PISS, OR CUM– GIVE ME SOME HEROIN.”  But Shiloh, sweet Shiloh, was downright ebullient.  She had a booming voice that any knowing Hollywood agent would overhear in a noisy restaurant and say: “You oughta do voiceovers, kid.”

My favorite Shiloh moment was when she was on the way to summer camp for the first time (and the first night of her life away from her parents) busy slathering her lips with cherry lip gloss so she’d look her best.  “Holy gosh,” she exclaimed upon arrival: “nicest. camp. ever.”

And for the ultimate in precociousness, while the camp nurses were struggling to attach new ostomy bags on the 9 year-old, instead of screaming, crying, and panicking, Shiloh asked for the directions so she could help by reading them aloud.

Makes me emotional.

Unabashed Queer of the Week: The Butch Bi Bad Girl

December 2nd, 2009
I'm American-Albanian, The tattoo is the Albanian 2 headed Eagle sybolizes strength!!

"I'm American-Albanian, The tattoo is the Albanian 2 headed Eagle sybolizes strength!!"

King Latoofah

rizzo

Season 3 of the Bad Girls Club paraded its new stash of vile, self-hating whore-wenches.

Like an apparition, a healthy bodied, unhealthfully eye-browed, hard butch appeared.  Her name is Florina but you can call her Flo.   Imagine Rizzo from Grease mixed with Latoofah from Set It Off.  Flo “likes girls and guys.”

But only guys with vaginas.  She stands to get a lot of drunk poo-say this season.  Go get ‘em girl.  Turn those bitches out.

From Flo’s website:

FLO is in the building ayoooo aighhhttt!!! LOL..

Unabashed Queer of the Week: The Homeless Ivey Leaguer

September 9th, 2009

Zach Biegun

Zach Biegun is a renaissance queer: ballet dancer, EMT, yogi, and homeless Cornell University student.

(And he happens to be the sibling of my dear friend, Kyla.)

Unabashed Queer of the Week: Queef Latina AKA The L Word

September 4th, 2009

latifah-set-it-off

Latoofah is such a roughneck brother, I could m’bate to her in “Set It Off.” 

She be gettin reeeaallll lax about her “personal life,” praise be to my gay god. (more…)