I’m downright ecstatic to have a piece featured in the Love/Sex part of the Advocate Magazine website.

Please read my article:  And They’re Always Glad You Came.

I sit fireside with a portly, rosy-cheeked man puffing a stogie while he regales me with stories of yesteryear. We might have been models for Norman Rockwell, but instead of being in a den in a small New England snowcapped cottage, we’re just two of the many men at one of the West Coast’s most hard-core gay sex clubs.

In memory of my favorite Golden Girl, Bea Arthur, I am re-posting a piece I wrote in 2006 about a day I spent with Bea:

While searching for my favorite underrated blacktress, Nell Carter, on YouTube, I came across one of those rare gems that makes you praise Allah that the Internet exists. It was a clip from the 60th anniversary celebration of NBC and all of my favorite 80s sitcom maternal figures were involved. Barbara Eden opens the scene saying how proud NBC is of its current family programming and quickly moves out of the way to let the real star, Nell Carter, begin her song while pretending to clean up around the modern minimalist home set:

From Genie and her bottle, to father knowing best, Cheers to Punky Brewster, Family Ties and all the rest. Each week they’ve entertained us, proving life is just a game. Now, each situation differed, but the sprit was the same.

Then Nell bursts into “We Are a Family” from Dreamgirls. After fixing some flowers and setting them down in a new location, the torch is passed to kooky Charlotte Rae who continues the song while carrying a tray of cookies from the kitchen.

Cue Bea Arthur who barrels through the front door setting shopping bags on a table and sporting enough shoulder pad to play for the Raiders. Then comes my favorite part where Nell Carter goes up some stairs and passes Marla Gibbs saying, “I love your new show” to which Marla returns the compliment, “Not only do I love your show, child, I love your singing.” I only wish I could have been a part of that staged conversation. (more…)

Tom Chiarella
April 12 at 6:01pm
I’m not sure what you want me to say, but I don’t really blame you for being angry. Wasn’t my favorite assignment ever, I can tell you and there was much wrestling on the edits. The presumptive heterosexuality of the world must get a little maddening. Obviously it does, hence the website (The Unabashed Queer) I suppose.I liked my first draft of that piece a lot better than what ran, and what ran on yahoo, with those stupid categories just infuriated me. The piece says nothing about “real men” I promise. That’s just some stupid headline yahoo made up.What can I say? It’d be a little two faced to apologize, since I can tell you I was sensitive to a lot of this stuff going in. I knew I would take my hits. I had no idea it would go up on yahoo. Personally I love the word snatch however– why is that disgusting?– and the word cock was edited out, which just pissed me off. So, what does that add up to? I don’t know; I just want to say point taken, made, whatever. Sometimes love the idea of writing something complex in a short space, other times I think that job just sucks. Maybe the link is enough, and maybe you’ve said your piece but I’m happy to converse about it. Feel free to write me back.Tom

The Unabashed Queer
Today at 11:39am
Thank you for your thoughtful response, Tom.Yes, my website is a response to the mainstream, the heteronormative. I’m always eager to read something about the meaning of a man, or qualities a man should have, etc. Especially when it comes from a heterosexist source (such as Esquire). It’s not two-faced to apologize. I understand writing a piece as a job–I guess it’s akin to an attorney who represents a client she believes is guilty. My problem with the word “snatch,” personally, is that it seems like a close cousin to cunt. Coming from a presumably straight white man makes it even more questionable. It doesn’t sound like a term of endearment by any means. The kind of discourse in your piece adds fuel to an already raging fire of misogyny, one that looks at women as objects and encourages men to adhere to certain standards lest their manhood be threatened. I know it is never easy or pleasant to read a personal attack so I appreciate your understanding and sensitivity. To me, that kind of sensitivity, the ability to identify with those of varying identities is the true mark of a man (or woman or anything in between). Instead of what makes a man a man and what makes a woman a woman, aren’t we really asking what makes us adults? When do we leave the ignorance and irresponsibility of childhood behind and step up to the plate?

I cannot trust Yahoo! News to give me important information. Admittedly, I was pleased to see that Stevie Nicks told Lindsay Lohan to “Stand Back” re: Lohan portraying Nicks in a film biopic. Sometimes Yahoo! News includes world events but mostly it is littered with Cosmo Magazine-like headlines: Stars’ Salaries Revealed, Six Things You Say to Ruin Your Date

While innocently checking my email last night I see this newsworthy morsel: “Columnist’s Take on the Qualities of a ‘Real Man.’” Oh yes, I thought, this should be rich.  The link took me to an Esquire Magazine article written by  Tom Chiarella who is the Fiction Editor at Esquire. “What Is a Man,” the titles asks, “Characteristics of the Ideal Man.”  The subtitle says: Read this. Print it. Thumbtack it to your desk. Thank us later. (And pick up the “How to Be a Man” issue in the meantime.)  There is a fucking “How to Be a Man” issue? I am going to buy a copy, wipe my dirty post-sex ass with it, and send it to the editors.
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Alan Cumming has long been a fantastic example of an Unabashed Queer but his recent Newsweek article entitled “What Is a Gay Icon,” makes him my Unabashed Queer of the Week. Cumming succinctly includes an array of issues such as the importance of identifying with our tribe, gay assimilation, and how even straight people can be queer.  

Now, this man here–the one with the bubble butt and the carefully parted blonde hair–he says he makes love when he fucks for money in front of the camera.

I sat down with Dallas Reeves (worst fake name ever), the 2009 GayVN award winner for”Best Group Scene.” Read my interview here.