Overheard at the local CVS pharmacy, one pharmacy technician to another:
“A girl’s NuvaRing overheated ’cause it was left in the car.”
Excuse the absence but I have just endured a relocation from Los Angeles to Iowa City, Iowa which is one of those places where even though it’s called Iowa City, you still have to specify that it’s in the state of Iowa and not like one of those mind-fuck Kansas City, Missouri type cities.
There’s so much I want to say about life here but just accept this image for now:
Bitch is giving up an open-toe, high-heel sandal + panty hose under cuffed short jeans combo complete with ankle bracelet.
Fuck Los Angeles.
With the current climate of disdain for insurance companies, especially Blue Cross, I want to take a moment out and acknowledge the company with the balls to raise premiums 40% at one time.
Blue Cross Blue Shield telephone hold message:
Hey guys, a weekend at the lake sounds fun, but be aware of the dangers involved. Males are three times as likely to die from drowning and fireworks than females.
This summer don’t be a show-off, and leave the heavy duty fireworks to the professionals.
Word.
To Whom It May Concern:
When you “xxxxxx” at the end of every single email, I begin to doubt your sincerity.
Warmly,
Matt
A special request for when I leave this earth: please don’t memorialize me via custom car decal on the rear windshield of your car.
Today on Sunset and Vine, the Kia in front of me memorialized Tay-Tay (1981-2009), not with a decal, but scratched into the paint. There’s something more custom about keying your own car which I can appreciate.
Thumbing through my LA Gay and Lezzie Film festival guide, I was forlorn to see a too-attractive wasp sitting at a typewriter wearing a white tee and Buddy Holly glasses with the word “HOWL” next to it and, moreover, the name “James Franco” under that. I say Goddamn! Put a hot guy in anything and gays will eat it up. Shit. Ginsberg wasn’t a hot Aryan, he was a handsome Jew. James Franco is a mere showpiece, a tart. Where’s Jeff Goldblum when you need him?