Category: ‘Hollywouldn't’

Unabashed Mammy Moment: Barb & Mo’

March 8th, 2010

barb_mo“Mo’Nique, may I lay my head on your bosom?”  -BW

Unabashed Schooling: Sandra B. READS Kathy G.

February 25th, 2010

I came across audio from the Howard Stern Show with guest Sandra Bernhard waxing poetic on fake, phony, and one shtick pony, Kathy Griffin.

Feasting on a Kathy Salad

Feasting on a Kathy Salad

Stern: We had Kathy Griffin here yesterday.

SB: Oh God.  Jesus Christ.

Stern: Tell me your feelings.  I want to know because you are an elder statesman of comedy.

SB: Well she’s no spring chicken but listen…she came to success late in life.  She loves my ass and she’s come to see many times and she’s taken my basic premise which is to disseminate pop culture.  However, when you’re somebody of my level and intellectual ability, I take it and I layer it.  I don’t just throw a cake.  I  give you a seven-layer sacre torte.  She came and took the base elements of what I did and–who can’t put on a Kate Gosselin wig and go “Gahgaghgahgahgah!”  I mean that’s all she does, “Gahgahgahgahgah,” like a shrieking harpy freak.  Every time she has a special on Bravo it’s the same fucking special every goddamn time.  I’ve written fifteen shows in the past ten years and every one of them touches on something new and interesting that is really revealing where we’re headed as a culture.  I don’t just jump into the waters of present culture.  I’m on the precipice of what is happening.

Unabashedly Fashionly: Yours Truly

February 17th, 2010

MattIntell

Can’t a bitch get her low-fat cappuccino without flashbulbs popping?

Unabashed Drag Name: Channing Tatum

February 4th, 2010

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Stockard Channing Tatum O’Neal.

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b. murph: was it my fault?

December 20th, 2009

tv-animation-11I was literally–no joke–singing the praises of Brittany Murphy not 12 hours ago…and I wake up to find out she died this morning.  This is the first celebrity death of 2009 that makes me sad and B. makes me nervous that the entire casts of the Real Housewives of Atlanta and New Jersey are going to die because I was talking about them last night, too.  God, you can have all of them EXCEPT Kandi.

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Unabashed Promotion: Says Oprah

December 18th, 2009

Says Oprah to this plane crash survior:20090924-tows-stephanie-nielson-2-290x218

“You know I recently interviewed Whitney Houston and she has a song out now called ‘Didn’t Know My Own Strength,’ which is my favorite cut, number seven on the album…”

I GOT YOUR BACK, GIRL

I GOT YOUR BACK, GIRL

Unabashed Back Hair

December 14th, 2009

Robin Williams, talking about your back hair doesn’t make me wanna donate to St. Jude.

Unabashed Cheese & Crackers: The Blind Side

November 20th, 2009

I don’t care if it’s based on a true story, Sandra Bullock’s new film, The Blind Side, makes me want to go blind and deaf and just die.

Admittedly, I have only seen the 2-and-a-half minute trailer, but I think I get it.

Bullock plays Leigh Anne, a Memphis socialite who is, as one reviewer describes, “always on the lookout for an opportunity to be a good Christian.” To make a long, stupid story short,  Leigh Anne takes a homeless black youth into her huge house and makes him part of the family.  Ebony & ivory forever!

The Blind Side is the perfect self-congratulatory cheese to pair with CRACKERS this holiday season.

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Unabashed Jury Misconduct

October 22nd, 2009

weirdal1Once a year, Ed Asner has to do it.

So does Weird Al Yankovic.

Camryn Manheim has to do it, too.

No, I’m not talking about a prostate exam.  I’m talking about jury duty.

It was my privilege to wait in the LA County Superior Court Jury Assembly room all day, only to be escorted to security for taking these photos.

edasner

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Unabashedly (Oh) Fatherless: Gay YouTubers Sing Same Madonna Ballad

September 27th, 2009

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Daddy issues forever.

Sad Madonna is my favorite Madonna.  As I scoured YouTube for Madonna ballads, I noticed six cover versions of her 1989 tres dramatique why-daddy-why track, Oh Father…all performed by gay men.  Score 1 for Nurture!

My favorite contribution comes from a rotund young man who calls himself “BittersweetSuperstar.”  He mixes a depressing montage of family photos, child abuse statistics, makes himself up to look like he’s been hit in the face--AND includes a small child (also with fake bruises on his face) acting out the lyrics.

Bittersweet wants you to know that “no people were hurt or abused for the making of this video.”  The video is tagged with keywords: vogue, child abuse, Oh Father, and neglect.

2. PaulyWoodGaGa admits that he “got a little emotional” while singing his version. (more…)