You know it’s a bad sign when you can’t figure out if it’s a parody or not.
Category: ‘Tragedy Train’
Unabashed Technological Feat: Jennifer Hudson Weight Watcher’s Commercial
December 27th, 2011Unabashed Labor of Love: Volume II, Chapter I
September 6th, 2011I came across a Beta tape labeled “LOVE” in the nickel bin at the St. Vincent De Paul thrift store on Avenue 21. Needless to say, I was shocked to see the most beautiful woman in the world baring her soul in this never before seen footage…
Unabashed Spring in Your Step: Ugly Shoes
March 30th, 2011
Sighted at the Iowa City Honda dealership. I heard the woman speak–she’s some kinda European–of course.
Unabashed RIP: Custom Car Decals
June 19th, 2010A special request for when I leave this earth: please don’t memorialize me via custom car decal on the rear windshield of your car.
Today on Sunset and Vine, the Kia in front of me memorialized Tay-Tay (1981-2009), not with a decal, but scratched into the paint. There’s something more custom about keying your own car which I can appreciate.
Unabashed Literature: Raquel Welch “Beyond the Cleavage”
April 26th, 2010Actress, Mother, Designer of high-end wig line: What’s left to do? Write a shitty book.
From Amazon.com: Whether refusing to change her name to Debbie–because producers considered “Raquel” too ethnic–or to lie about her age, even to the detriment of her career, she has evolved elegantly over time into a true champion for women who defy traditional aging.
Along with bringing baby boomers into her confidence–she offers essential tips for staying motivated and positive past fifty, as well as divulging her secrets for fabulous hair and makeup–she even talks to today’s younger generation of women about the importance of carrying themselves with dignity and self-respect.
Unabashed Confessions: People I Shouldn’t (But Would) Fuck
April 23rd, 2010The Menendez Brothers: both of them.
Unabashed Casting Call: Grease XXX
March 2nd, 2010Porn director Axel Braun (take a rock star’s first name and pair it with a paper towel company) announced yesterday that he is holding auditions for “Grease XXX,” a “big-budget (porn) parody” of the 1978 film, “Grease.”
Per the Xbiz website: The movie will feature five different dance numbers requiring talent to do their own singing and dancing.
Per director, Braun: “Many performers are incredibly talented individuals who have simply chosen to make their living in the adult industry for personal reasons. ‘Grease XXX’ will give all of them a real opportunity to shine!”
A real opporuntity to shine. In Grease. I bet that wasn’t on purpose, either.
I’m gonna take a shot — a greasy, shiny shot — at possible song/dance numbers to be included:
Hopelessly Devoted to Goo
Born to Hand Job
Summer Dykes
You’re the One that I Want (to fuck)
Look at Me, I’m Tommy Lee
There Aren’t Worse Things I Could Do
We Cum Together
b. murph: was it my fault?
December 20th, 2009
I was literally–no joke–singing the praises of Brittany Murphy not 12 hours ago…and I wake up to find out she died this morning. This is the first celebrity death of 2009 that makes me sad and B. makes me nervous that the entire casts of the Real Housewives of Atlanta and New Jersey are going to die because I was talking about them last night, too. God, you can have all of them EXCEPT Kandi.
Unabashed Promotion: Says Oprah
December 18th, 2009Says Oprah to this plane crash survior:
“You know I recently interviewed Whitney Houston and she has a song out now called ‘Didn’t Know My Own Strength,’ which is my favorite cut, number seven on the album…”
I GOT YOUR BACK, GIRL
Unabashed Cheese & Crackers: The Blind Side
November 20th, 2009I don’t care if it’s based on a true story, Sandra Bullock’s new film, The Blind Side, makes me want to go blind and deaf and just die.
Admittedly, I have only seen the 2-and-a-half minute trailer, but I think I get it.
Bullock plays Leigh Anne, a Memphis socialite who is, as one reviewer describes, “always on the lookout for an opportunity to be a good Christian.” To make a long, stupid story short, Leigh Anne takes a homeless black youth into her huge house and makes him part of the family. Ebony & ivory forever!
The Blind Side is the perfect self-congratulatory cheese to pair with CRACKERS this holiday season.
